Everyday Mysteries

If you can't find amusement in fast food and telemarketers, you've got no business trying to write an entertaining blog. With that in mind, I offer these recent incidents:

(1) The Mystery of the Dropped Quarters

Earlier this week I took my younger daughter through the drive-through at the Burger King on 73rd in Des Moines. She ordered a small amount of food and I ordered nothing, so the total was $2.37.

I paid with a five-dollar bill, and then as the girl at the window was handing me my change, the two quarters slipped off the bills and clanged onto the pavement below. I smiled sympathetically, but then I realized she was staring at me, waiting for me to pick up the money she dropped. This would have required moving the car, getting out, and walking back into the lane.

I looked at her until she realized that perhaps in the interest of customer service she should hand me two new quarters and retrieve the others later. And that's what she did, but not before she leaned forward about an inch and stuck her arm out the window, apparently hoping the coins would jump into her hand.

That or she thought she was Inspector Gadget.

(2) The Curious Case of the Long Pause

Why aren't telemarketers more prepared to deliver their spiels?

Honestly, if that's your job, I know it's tough and I wish you luck--but for crying out loud, be ready to speak when your prospect answers the phone.

I'm on the national Do Not Call list for telemarketers, , but one of them slipped through last night and immediately blew any opportunity I might have given her to sell me whatever she was selling. How? By not being ready to speak.

Here's how the conversation went:

Dono: Hello?
Caller: (20-second pause, making it obvious a telemarketer was calling) Hello?
Dono: No, see the way it works is, when I say Hello, that's your cue that the conversation has begun. You don't have to wait to speak at that point. And if you do speak, you don't have to say Hello with a question mark as if you're not sure if I'm here or not. Once I say Hello, I'm definitely here and engaged in the dialogue.
Caller: (befuddled) Could I speak to J...M...Dono--
Dono: No.

What possible reason could there be for not speaking to the person to whom you wish to sell your wares?

There's some strange stuff that goes on in this universe.